Notes to Myself - Part IV

Lessons I Wish I Had Learned Sooner

Looking back on life, I do not have many regrets. I usually made the best decision I could based on my level of experience and knowledge. Of course, I messed up here and there and did some stupid things. Luckily, I was able to fix most of them.

There are other areas where I made my life way harder than needed—at least that's how it seems in hindsight.

We often have to learn through pain. It's unavoidable. However, it's well within our control how much we want to resist the truth and the lessons that come with it.

Today, I share with you lessons that took me several rounds to finally integrate. I hope they make life a bit easier for you—or at least serve as a reminder of lessons you already encountered yourself.

image by Vlada Karpovich on pexels

People’s Behaviour Has Little To Do With You

I grew up as the family scapegoat and was conditioned to believe that it’s always my fault.

When people treated me badly, I thought it had to do with me.

Maybe I said something wrong that made them angry. Or I simply deserved it that way, as I wasn’t worthy much anyway.

I had an epiphany when I walked into a colleague’s office who was generally kind to me. That day, though he was very unpleasant and almost rude.

A bottle of painkillers was on his desk. He explained to me that he has a bad toothache and will see the doctor the next day.

That’s when I understood that it’s often the pain speaking through people’s mouths. His behaviour that day had nothing to do with me.

Of course, that is an overly clear example. Later, I learned that often all you need is to understand where people are coming from. That explains a lot of how they move through this world. And that has little to nothing to do with you.

Of course, it generally helps to be nice and kind to others. Basically, treat others as you want to be treated. There is always a chance they will learn from you.

Roadblocks Bring You Right On Track

Some things are not meant to be. That saying may sound like an easy excuse, but roadblocks often just mean that the way you are trying to do something isn't working.

Roadblocks are an invitation to take a step back and try a different approach.

For a long time, I didn’t see it that way. I thought that I needed to be more persistent to finally succeed. But there's a fine line between persistence and stubbornness.

The lesson for me was to finally accept that you cannot force things. Sometimes the winds or currents are simply not in your favour. When that happens, the best you can do is explore other routes.

Accepting roadblocks early also means accepting life as it is—along with the simple truth it brings.

That may sound a bit abstract, but let’s say you have a friend who says no to a proposal you make. Why try so hard to convince him instead of simply accepting the no?

Resistance Shows You How Much You Want It

Resistance feels awful. We writers know it best—we have the essay in our heads but cannot get a single word onto the page.

The same goes for that crush you want to invite to the cinema, but suddenly you freeze and can't get a single word out.

Resistance is a devil.

But it’s also a compass that shows you how important something is for you.

Pushing through initial resistance can reward you dearly. It’s the price to pay to get what your heart desires most.

This kind of framing makes resistance easier to accept and overcome. There is no need to beat yourself up for feeling paralyzed—but also no need to pat yourself on the shoulder for it either.

Knowing that resistance is simply a mechanism showing you that something matters to you makes it easier to embrace it and push through — because now you know why it’s there.

People Love To Support Someone With a Mission

Most of us like to see other people thrive. Let’s forget about the envious ones for a moment.

Why do people cheer for their team in a stadium?

Because they want to see them win—and when they do, happiness is shared. So is misery when they lose.

When people know what you are standing for, they are often inspired by your mission and want to be part of it. That’s why crowdfunding works. It's not always about making profits or investments, but more about helping someone on their way.

People who know what they want to do with their lives stand out. We admire them because many of us live from day to day, maybe without the chance to pursue our own mission, or simply afraid to walk a road that has never been travelled before.

I have experienced it several times:

If you let people know what your mission is, they often want to help. It also means you don’t have to do everything on your own. There is more support out there than you might imagine.

Just be a little bit more open about your projects and share what you are actually doing. I don’t mean big words, but real actions. Then sit back and let the magic unfold.

Life Gives You Second Chances

I’ve beaten myself up many times for not taking golden opportunities when they appeared.

I remember being a teenager when I was offered a one-year exchange program in the USA. I didn’t take it. A year later, I met people who were in the program. They told me they had the best time of their lives. Uuuh.. that was hard to swallow, and the pain of the missed chance haunted me for years.

At university, I found out that there was also an exchange program. This time, I didn’t want to chicken out. I made sure I overfulfilled all the requirements. It worked—I got my chance and had the best time of my life until then.

Believing that life gives you only one chance at certain things is a scarcity mindset. In reality, life is full of abundance and second chances. Maybe it won't be the identical chance... but it very well may be a chance that can offer you experiences that are just as meaningful.

It’s only important to say yes when it’s a hell ya for you. When there are doubts or some bad feelings or even pressure, then that one chance might not be the right one for you.

Time to reflect on what you really want—and prepare for the next chance to come.

Life Is Full Of Randomness

I used to believe there were actually people who had it all figured out. They seemed to have one success after another—at least that's how it looked.

Of course, I know that very few stories involve instant success. Often, people had to try for decades until they got their breakthrough. Still, it can look as if they understood how life works — and then simply applied the lessons they learned.

So when I wasn't that successful, I assumed I was too stupid or not qualified enough. I aimed for perfection and only made things worse. Perfectionism is often the little sister of hidden anxiety.

There is nothing wrong with aiming for perfection along the way. Generally speaking, it’s good advice to strive to get better. But you don’t need to be perfect from the beginning.

The truth is that most people haven’t figured it out. Of course, without some skill, you won’t have much success. But luck is often a totally underestimated factor. Sometimes you just need to be in the right place at the right time — and of course, have the minimum skills required.

The essence of it all is this: when life is full of randomness, it makes far more sense to try many things rather than beat yourself up over the one thing that isn’t working right now.

Of course, if you love what you’re doing, you can keep pursuing it anyway — because then you’re doing it for the love of it, and you’ve already detached yourself from the outcome. That’s serenity.

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Before You Go…

In the previous parts of the Note To Myself series, I have begged you for comments and likes.

This time no begging 😅

However, it's in your hands if you want to make my weekend a little sweeter with your comments and a like (it's a heart symbol for a reason).

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